Dad trapped his balls

From his Tour That Didn't Tour DVD

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Peter Kay: The Tour That Doesn't Tour Tour
Live Review
Manchester MEN Arena

Peter Kay is a great entertainer, but a mediocre comic. After seven years away, he’s back with the same brand of straightforward home-spun observations he’s always peddled, although they didn’t seem to make quite the same connection with the audience as they once did. Yet by pulling out all the pyrotechnics for a full-on rock and roll finale, he ensured a near-unanimous standing ovation from a sold-out arena. That’s unarguable… and why this comeback tour will gross around £26million in ticket sales alone, let alone the proceeds from the inevitable DVD and well-stocked merchandise stand.

The products on offer there tell their own story. You can still get ‘garlic bread’ T-shirts should you wish, indicating this show isn’t going to generate many new catchphases of its own. Where once he talked about t’internet, now he mentions th’iPod. I’m guessing that didn’t take the full seven years to write.

In fact, much of the writing is pretty lazy. In a long section about TV, he slags off Grand Designs, Supernanny, Secret Millionaire, Embarrassing Bodies, How To Look Good Naked and Come Dine With Me. Looks like he couldn’t even press the remote to change the channel off No 4.

The comments he makes are pretty much what anyone would come up with if asked to describe the show. For instance, Come Dine With Me ‘isn’t a cookery show, it’s all about nosy bastards’ or Supernanny Jo Frost ‘just states the obvious’. Which is rich from someone who’s made a fortune doing just that.

His cosy nostalgia is rife here, as expected, and while he’s describing things we can all relate to, there’s little spin on it. Remember how you used to have to put the immersion on hours before taking a bath? Or how you’d have Imperial Leather soap for special occasions till it was worn down to just the label. Yes, I do remember – but comedy should surely be more than a good memory, laced with trademarks.

Very rarely would Kay recount something specific to him, such as witnessing his dad trap his testicles in a sun lounger, or the time he took an ill-advised swig of Coke from a friend. These were by far the best moments – nice little anecdotes skilfully told, rather than simply repeating shared experiences – and I yearned for more.

The format of the evening, in which we spend a lot of time looking at an empty stage, makes it difficult for Kay to build up momentum. In three hours, he’s on stage for 80 minutes, with two long breaks, one midway through the set and one after opening act Rick Astley sets a cruise-ship lounge atmosphere with a songs including a hideous medley of Manchester acts including New Order, Oasis and – shudder – the Smiths.

But Astley encompasses everything that also epitomises Kay: a ‘guilty pleasure’, combining nostalgia and music. There’s no disguising the fact Kay would rather have been a pop star – as his X-Factor spoof and countless kitsch charity covers prove – though he’d probably be almost as happy running a mobile disco in the Bolton area.

His love of music manifests itself in the second half, firstly when he expresses envy for the Guitar Hero generation when he had to make do with imagining his father’s spade to be his axe; and secondly in his old trick of playing song samples from his Walkman, and describing how he misheard the lyrics.

Well, I say ‘he’. These mondegreens, as they are called, are widely available on the internet. So when he suggests a Sister Sledge actually sing ‘just let me staple the vicar’ in We Are Family, and brings the house down with it, it’s a observation you can grab from Google. Maybe it doesn’t matter – his audience love them even more than they love the old pub gags with which he starts his show, as always. He’s giving the what he wanted.

The encore in which he lives out his rock-star fantasy is a perfect example of this. Of course it’s a brilliant showstopper, because he’s using the music of Queen, and how can that not get an elated reaction? But still there’s still a curmudgeonly argument that wants to urge him: ‘If you want to be a musician, at least learn to play a goddamn instrument.’

However the 750,000 people due to see him on this tour can’t be wrong. Can they?

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I reckon he's probably got his mum a mansion, a holiday home abroad, a roller and a few bars of gold by now, never mind a bungalow. 'What a great performer' and indeed he is, burt he's been practicing the exact same stuff since the late nineties... well polished... 'hey... kids at weddings... WHAT"S ALL THAT ABOUT'. Pheonix Nights was great, but so is Dave Spikey, Justin Moorhouse, Toby Foster and all the other cast of comedians that were so absent in the Paddy and Max nonsense. 'Hey, let's have a singalong...' but first let's ask Mr Johnny Vegas who brought all that to the Frog and Bucket when they were both resident comperes. Hmmm...

Darrell, December 2005

Got the new DVD Live At Manchester for Xmas. Sat all family round the TV for a good laugh - we were gutted, it was the exact same as the Bolton DVD. Wasted xmas night - what a bloody rip off. He shouldn't get away with it.

Jason, December 2005

I bought the Bolton Halls DVD last year for Christmas and decided to buy the new one called Peter Kay Live At Manchester Arena - £15 worthof the same disc as last year. Complete waste of time and money. I'll be asking for a refund and complaining to trade descriptions.

Adrian Hughes, December 2005

I feel totally ripped off as I just paid £13 for Live in Manchester and its the same as the Bolton one except with a few added stuff like the documentary of the tour and the godawful Tony Christie song. You've gone down in my estimations PK.

Simon, December 2005

I love Peter Kay! Every time we watch his DVDs we laugh so much (to the point of crying) He is a naturally funny guy and so down to earth. But then again all us northerners are like that we know how to live our lives. Thanks Peter for showing the rest of the country what its like to have a sense of humour.

Nikki, December 2005

I really enjoyed the first two Peter Kay DVDs, but I thought this one was a lazy attempt at making more money. All of the jokes he used were the same as he had used before, and I felt like I had wasted my money on buying it.

Carly, December 2005

So I now own the Blackpool DVD, the Bolton DVD, and now the Manchester DVD - and, guess what? They're all the same. Based on that, I'm sorry Peter, but you've gone way down in my estimations. I used to think you're funny, and you probably still are, but you're aslo prepared to rip off your fans with the same old guff time and time again. Poor show.

Paul, December 2005

I absolutely love Peter Kay's observational stlyle comedy, its something to which we can all relate.However, I recently bought Live In Manchester DVD, and was expecting, at least, a bit more new material. To find that it was completely the same set as Bolton Albert Halls, but condensed, I was very dissapointed. It appears to be purely a money making scheme in time for Christmas. The man is a genius, no doubt, but he's done himself no favours this time around.

Ben, December 2005

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