I used to be a conductor on a ghost train...
Tweets of the week
a national clap but everyone uses two halves of a coconut so we terrify france into thinking there's a giant horse
— joe (@mutablejoe) February 3, 2021
I bought this from a Sainsbury’s shop having read only the sophisticated sounding ingredients. Was looking forward to it tonight. Turns out to be baby food. pic.twitter.com/c1QiZd1JZF
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) February 2, 2021
ice skating is wild. someone was brave enough to walk onto a frozen lake and be like "you know what my feet need? knives"
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) February 5, 2021
"Sherlock, why are you still wearing my tie and Moriarty's suit?"
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) January 31, 2021
"I like to keep my friends clothes & my enemies clothes, sir."
I try to avoid making jokes about testicles as I consider them low hanging fruit.
— Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) February 5, 2021
I still think ‘Dr. Oetker’ sounds like the noise a drunk person makes when regurgitating a shit pizza.
— Scott Hoad (@ScottHoad) February 1, 2021
My favourite layers:
— Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) February 1, 2021
- Cake
- Ozone
- Buffy the Vampire's
beware the 7 deadly sins (cringe, horny, earnest, random, entrepreneur, in love, pissed)
— anne (@codinghater) February 5, 2021
Shoutout to everyone who’s never had an identity crisis. You know who you are.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) February 5, 2021
Working as the conductor on a ghost train was all tickety boo.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 3, 2021
I like my men like I like my coffee; with my name written along the side in black pen.
— Alice R Fraser (@aliterative) February 2, 2021
Published: 5 Feb 2021