Damion Larkin: Cuddly Dreamer
Live Review

My word, what a warm, fuzzy, feelgood title this is. One would almost expect something upbeat and life-affirming from a show with such a moniker. Which perhaps makes it even more painfully awkward when the whole thrust of the hour is Larkin’s miserable and at times disgusting health complaints and his sad and lonely existence.

Within minutes we have a list of symptoms and afflictions longer than a Münchausen sufferer’s wish-list. Deafness, tendonitis, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, piles, erectile dysfunction... not to mention the eczema in his ears which he claims makes a nice snack for any ladies crazy enough to enter into a romantic tryst with him.

And they would be crazy. Larkin appears to have a very low opinion of women, he blames this on his obsession with internet porn which he claims has raised his standards to a ridiculous level. This may be one reason why he is still single. Another could be that he is still obsessed with an ex-girlfriend, whose photos he uses throughout the show.

More likely it is down to his attitude. He claims he used to be very handsome and shows us a photo declaring that he was ‘at least a 7’, now I am not one to judge people on looks but it seems to be something that Larkin has based his entire love life around so to try and win back some justice for the woman he calls a ‘fat bitch’ in his set, I should point out that he may be looking back at his younger self through rose tinted glasses.

He admits to suffering from a certain arrogance in the past but claims to have overcome that. Why, then, show us another photo of his 19-year-old self, bulging with muscles ‘for no other reason than to prove a point’? Larkin also reveals at the end of his show that it was all true, apart from the bit about is penis problems, stating he'd only been impotent twice and that was with women he didn't even fancy. He says of the ‘fat bitch’ when she questioned why his member was small that ‘even a champagne bottle looks small when smashed against the QE2. And he wonders why there is no romance in his life.

There is a hint of a comic mind here though. When you claw your way through the misogynistic, self-indulgent slurry there is the occasional glimpse of what could be. There are some well-constructed gags and some funny lines scattered amongst the puns and dead-end anecdotes. These few slivers of genuine comedy are almost enough to hold the audience’s interest but is it enough to fill an entire hour? Dream on.

Even in the incredibly awkward and misguided Q&A session at the end, which he admits to adding because he doesn't have enough material to fill his timeslot, Larkin’s arrogance is such that he seems genuinely surprised that no one is interested in asking anything of him. He pushes the point stating ‘I can't end the show until someone asks a question’ at which point we get the biggest laugh of the afternoon when an audience member finally cracks and asks the question on everyone’s mind. “Please can we leave now?”