The nightmare has become a reality. Bird flu has come to Britain and the clock is ticking for the survival of its population.

However, as always in a crisis, Mr Blair has a media-friendly solution to boost the morale of his doubting public he'll stage a contest! And the prize? A space in his nuclear bunker, a bird flu-free zone, sure to provide a dream sanctuary for the winning entrant.

All the great British public must do to win this coveted prize is submit a video diary, stating their case for the space.