Original Review:

Show Rating:

Two schoolchildren sit on a wall. One, who is notably older than the other, reminisces about all the friends who have left him behind ­ because you can only leave school when you pass your exams, and that's something he's having considerable problems doing.

James Campbell's play is recommended to any parent who wants to take their children to a show which doesn't rely on performers screaming and jumping up and down like maniacs.

The two stars, stand-ups Matt Kirshen and Carey Marx, put in solid performances as the two schoolboys, who occasionally pass the time playing Cutlery Wars, a series of chants such as: 'I am the king of the forks and I will destroy you all.'

Conventional wisdom is that you need noise, activity and distractions to hold a child's attention, but Kirshen and Marx achieved it simply from sitting on a wall (exposing their smooth calves ­ yuk!)

The children hung on their every word and when the pair pointed out imaginary things they eagerly turned to look as they believed they, too, would be able to see them.

I enjoyed this play, but it's most suitable for primary school children - and not my moody pre-teen daughter.

Ava Vidal

And what the kids thought...

There were quite long silences in this play that I found quite boring. I don't think the two stars made convincing kids. It was more story-like and I didn't find it entertaining. It should not be called Cutlery Wars because even though they played the game, most of the story was about passing Year 6.

Shaquelle Vidal, aged 12

The way that Carey and Matt laugh is creepy. They are quite funny. Much funnier than my Mum, who is rubbish. They are cool but are too safe and won't play football with the younger kids because it is dangerous. They should just do it and not worry about the younger children getting hurt. They play cutlery wars and they are silly when they do it.

DD Vidal-Adegun, aged 7