Show Rating:

Count Arthur spits. All over his lectern, the stage, and the front row, where this reviewer happens to be seated.

It is hard to sit comfortably when you're attempting to dodge saliva; but then The Greatest Story Ever Told was never going to be a comfortable, light-hearted hour of fun.

Essentially the rantings of an old man possibly suffering from senile dementia, the 'story' revolves around the Count's attempt to get his autobiography published. Preoccupied with potential titles, his dictaphone and his life in Doncaster, he spouts unfollowable nonsense, occasionally accompanied by a disembodied voice.

At times this confusion and befuddlement can be amusing, as when he auditions to play the role of 007 in the forthcoming Bond film, or engineers a winetasting session to disguise his alcoholism.

However, most of his ideas are overstretched until they lose their humour and become embarrassing, while the interpretations of Genesis and the Last Supper are long-winded and dull.

There's no denying that Steve Delaney has created a very convincing character in the Count ­ that of a sweaty, unhappy elderly gent who spews out pompous bile, gradually losing his mind. However, next time you want to be trapped and drenched for an hour by an inebriated old man, it might be cheaper to try your local pub.