'Surprisingly adequate'

It's the Weekly Triva File

Gossipy showbiz newsletter Popbitch has reported that Richard Herring has a ‘surprisingly adequate’ penis – after which he Tweeted: ‘My adequacy is no surprise to me.’

For all his success, David Mitchell still lives in a dowdy ex-council flat off Kilburn High Road in North West London, which he shares with a lodger. Curtains fall off their rails, there are VHS tapes scattered around and the TV is an ancient model that pre-dates Teletext and needs a portable aerial perched on top of it. He explained: 'I'm just very nervous of change. And I'm also very lazy, and busy. So fear of change, laziness and busyness means that there's never going to be a Saturday morning when I go, "Right, today I'm going to look at flats."'

Irish schoolchildren had to answer an exam question based on stand-up Des Bishop this week. An article which he wrote formed the comprehension passage for the Leaving Certificate Irish Ordinary Level paper.

Alan Carr says he looked like a Tesco check-out assistant the night he met his boyfriend Paul. He said: ‘I had this lovely light-blue Prada shirt and quite nice slate-grey trousers and funky shoes. As I went out, I spilt red wine down my trousers, so I thought I'd put on my other dark-grey trousers. So I left, I looked in the mirror, and I look like I work at Tesco. I thought, no-one's going to fancy me! I was gutted, but he still liked me.’

Michael McIntryre says: ‘I got applauded at the traffic lights once. People saw me and just started clapping. I got beeped from behind and I was saying, “Fuck you, I'm loving this moment!”’

Bad stand-up of the week 'favourite' Mark Hayden has put another of his needlessly aggressive 'routines' on the internet:

When Matt Lucas was 12, his father spent six months in jail for fraud. ‘Cooking the books, I suppose they would call it,’ he said. One of the biggest shocks for the young comic visiting his Dad inside was seeing him without his ‘brown, Frankie Howerd style’ wig.

John Cleese is recovering following a mystery eye operation. A photo of him lying in a hospital bed, wearing a gown, and with a large patch over his left eye was posted on his official Twitter page yesterday.

Russell Brand chatter up 18-year-old singer Pixie Lott at Los Angles airport. The teenager said: ‘Russell just walked through all these people while looking at me and went, “You're pretty!” I was like, “Er, thanks!” If we did go out, Mum would think it was funny.’