• Rowan Atkinson says he laughs ‘maybe once every five years’. Mr Grumpy-Drawers adds: ‘Some actors get an incredible high from hearing laughter — but I don’t. All I feel is relief. That it worked, that it has gone down well and the job is being done.’

• Is Stephen Merchant jealous of Ricky Gervais’s schmoozing? ‘I thought I’d have loads of celebrity pals,’ he says. ‘It really annoys me.’

• Private Eye has been inundated with calls after flashing across its front page: Free CD Inside: Yellow Pages Read By Stephen Fry. ‘We were inspired by all the Stephen Fry CDs which newspapers have been giving away,’ editor Ian Hislop says. ‘But it was a joke. However, we've been deluged with inquiries from readers wondering where the CD is. It seems the punters really would like to hear Stephen read out a telephone directory.’

• Jo Brand: ‘I used to be nervous for about five days before a gig. I’ve condensed that period down to 30 minutes now.’

• After a gig at Reading’s Hexagon, Russell Brand invited two female fans back to his dressing room. If you’re to believe the tabloids, one of them left shortly afterwards (‘I'm not sure what shocked her,’ a conveniently unnamed source said) while 25 minutes later the second emerged boasting: ‘I just slept with Russell Brand!’

• Johhny Vegas says: ‘I can't drink gin, it makes me cry the next day.’ – even though, as a student, he used to wander the streets of St Helens with a bottle of home-mixed G&T

• Vic Reeves beat Liam Gallagher in an arm-wrestle after the Oasis star got a bee in his bonnet about him and Bob Mortimer. Reeves recalled: ‘Liam came over and said, “You two are upper class. You’ve had everything laid on a plate. I'm working class and I’ve had to work to get to where I am.”’

• Pete Doherty had tickets to the Noel Fielding/Russell Brand gig at the Albert Hall this week, but didn’t go.

SOURCES: The Sun, Heart FM, Daily Telegraph, Carlisle News and Star, The Sun, The Guardian, Arena, Thelondonpaper