Comedy duo books up for grabs

Classic jokes, one-liners and sketches from two of Britain's best-loved double acts are to be published in a couple of pocket-sized books next week.

Morecambe and Wise and Two Ronnies material has been gathered together for the first Comedy Classic collections.

And we've got five copies of each book to give away to Chortle readers.

The Morecambe and Wise book includes banter, the plays what Ern wrote, Eddie Braben's sketches and their celebrity encounters.

The Two Ronnies collection includes news headlines, Ronnie Corbett's shaggy dog tales, Ronnie Barker's monologues and their two-handed sketches.

Both books are published by Random House at £4.99 on September 4.

To stand a chance of winning a pair of copies, just tell us which of the following lines are from Morecambe and Wise, and which are from The Two Ronnies.

Competition closes on September 8, 2003 and five winners will be chosen at random from all the entries received.

Good luck!

"Good evening ladies and gentlement, my name is Colonel Napoleon Davenport DSO, MC, OBE."
"That's a funny way to spell Davenport."
Morecambe and Wise
Two Ronnies

The Chancellor has announced new plans for shortening the dole queues. He's asking the men to stand closer together.
Morecambe and Wise
Two Ronnies

"I am the president for the loyal society for the relief of sufferers of pismonunciation; for people who cannot say their worms correctly.
Morecambe and Wise
Two Ronnies

"That girl's got two of the ugliest legs in town"
"How do you know?"
"I've counted them."
Morecambe and Wise
Two Ronnies

In the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.
Morecambe and Wise
Two Ronnies

Published: 8 Sep 2003