By Chortle editor Steve Bennett

1. Delete a bad review

2. Review a Nordic folk music band which deploys models of improvisation from classical Indian music in their work.

3. Promise in advance to publish a review of a preview show ONLY if it was at least four stars.

4. Enjoy an meal on a PR company (or possibly their clients) at a £30-a-course steak restaurant (I'm a vegetarian), in the evening (when shows are on) followed by karaoke (ugh). A night out for the journos or the PRs themselves?

5. Give a shit about emails that start with: 'I know you must be very busy with Edinburgh...' then completely ignoring how busy I must be with Edinburgh.

6. Delete a gushing comment made under a review by an act's agent... who didn't realise her comment wasn't anonymous.

7. Come and see a show because it was so good it had a 5-star review. From One4Review

8. Return to a show that we'd given three stars to, on a specified day, bringing along a second critic for a second opinion to write a review that they insisted would definitely be five stars, and then apologise personally to the act, who would likely win the Foster's award (they didn't). This was in a 1,500-word email going into precise detail why the review was wrong, sent at 5am.

9. Pay for my own ticket for a show. I mean, c'mon guys!

Published: 30 Aug 2015