Jessica Fostekew's sanity test

1) They believe that any of this actually really matters.

2) They talk about their reviews. Or worse, about your reviews.

3) They’re banging their flyerers. Or any other industry. Or any other children.

4) They think there are spiders in their skin (their hand was itchy).

5) They got so nervous before their show, they shat their actual pants.

6) They’re doing the festival while eight months pregnant.

7) They are in Brooks.

8) They live in London but didn’t notice the 2012 London Olympics or the 2011 London riots. Or worse, either.

9) They are knowingly losing thousands pounds even if their show sells out. Think about it. Even if their show sells out.

10) They set up a fake PR company with their friend, run by greedy sexist cretins, to purposefully do a terrible job of their own promotion.

There is one of thing on this list I haven’t done.

Jessica Fostekew: Imaginary Colin is on at the Voodoo Rooms at 14:55

Published: 22 Aug 2015