On the road for a comedy marathon

Mark Watson and his cohorts weren’t the only comedians doing a Comic Relief marathon this weekend. MARISSA BURGESS joined Smug Roberts as he tried to do 20 gigs in 24 hours…

The minibus is hired, the boot filled up with mini pork pies and six packs of fizzy Vimto, and the gang is gathered. Mancunian Smug Roberts is celebrating 20 years in comedy by performing 20 break-neck comedy gigs in 24 hours in aid of Comic Relief.

No surprise for a comedian for whom the story of how he took an audience from the Frog and Bucket comedy club on a tram and up to his mate's club, The Whitehouse in Crumpsall, is the stuff of local legend on the Manchester comedy circuit.

So to introduce everyone: there's Smug Roberts, 55 in April, a dad and our superstar for the next 24 hours; his manager and the bus driver Chris Cordingley; Josh - Smug's son and bucket shaker; film crew Tyson and Ryan; Emma who's keeping the world informed via social media and me, journalist who has known Smug for 16 years.

Friday, 7.38pm

We meet at the bar across from The Frog and Bucket where it all started for Smug exactly 20 years ago today and where the first and the last gig of this marathon will happen.

8.49pm

Smug accidentally makes preliminary introductions to the people who are to sit in the front row outside the club, as they have a fag before the show. The crowd are a bit rowdy as you might expect for a Friday, but friendly and up for a good time. Smug is introduced on stage and we're off.

In the van there's a very drunken and amusing goodwill call from Cordingley's brother-in-law on loudspeaker who is in Paris. His catchphrase throughout the call appears to be 'Get your tops off!' We decline, it's a Comic Relief T-shirt so we can't do that.

9.34pm

Tom and Laura's house in Didsbury. We are ushered in to the kitchen for Smug to perform to a select crowd. Tom's mum turns out to be a GP so Smug's choice of his story about trip to the doctor's for a testicle examination proves apt and is the source of some interaction.

10.27pm

POD in Levenshulme, a favourite café of Smug's when he's in the area so he knows many in the small crowd. One local is a bit too drunk though and wanders about and interrupts as Smug tells of his partner coming in late from a drunken night out.

11.17pm

Bierkeller in the centre of Manchester. Oh my word. This looks terrifying. The audience here have been drinking for several hours. People are still dancing on the benches after the oompah band have finished playing. A giant inflatable cock bobs up from a hen do. Or at least I think there was a giant inflatable cock, I was feeling quiet tired.

Smug looks worried. I realise it's the first time I've seen that. He goes on, they seem bemused by the stand-up despite it being specially selected for them, being about hen parties. There's only one thing for it – Smug's dance to Reach For The Stars by s Club 7. They love it. We leave.

Saturday, 12.03am

The Salford Arms. Most are (unsurprisingly) drunk. They don't really get it. One man is a little confrontational. Smug does the gig and we get out.

The van. Cordingley eats a mini pork pie at the wheel.

12.31am

The Crescent. Couldn't be more different to the Salford Arms. Jerry the landlord lets Smug perform from the behind the bar. The drinkers gather around.

Smug passes around his notebook of the routines he's performed in his career and they pick from them. The tales of Boo Boo The Cat's demise, being stopped by the police, and 16 sausages are well received. Even regular 'Ceramic John,' who had declared he hated stand up before the gig had started, appears to have enjoyed himself.

1.16am

Home to bed.

7.14am

Wake with the sounds of s Club 7 still ringing in my ears.

8.47am

Smug and Josh Pick Me Up and we travel to Salford to meet the others at Creation Café. Ryan can't make it today so a new sound man, Chris, steps in.

9.32am

Creation Café. There are more of us than audience. So Smug sits down with the owners, Andy and Elaine, with tea and toast and tells them the witty tale of how he got his nickname, started in stand up and his mentoring by Caroline Aherne.

The van. Smug adopts a Geordie accent to mimic the Big Brother voice over 'Day 2 and everyone is quiet in the van' We're all half asleep.

10.07am

Revolution 96.2 the radio station for Oldham, Rochdale and Tameside on which Smug used to have a show. Smug chats to Big Al in the studio and on air then insists the audience come in from upstairs for the gig. The gig is crowded, warm and mostly off air as the set mentions bums and willies a bit. He saves his clean (pardon the pun) 'two monkeys in a bath...' joke for the listeners.

The van. We learn that Emmerdale's Kelvin Fletcher, who used to come on to Smug's show as a guest, has been tweeting about the tour to his followers – of which there are many.

11.51am

Rochdale Digital Festival for a brief chat to Becky Want on BBC Radio Manchester and a read of Where's Spot? to some adults who all join in with the animal noises.

The van. Comedian Stu Francis calls will a message of goodwill. Sadly he doesn't say 'ooh, I could crush a grape.'

1.11pm

We park up for three gigs in Bolton. Bolton market is the first. As well as the stand up there's a competition that the enthusiastic Alan wins. The wonderful octogenarian Lillian joins in singing with Smug on the piano - despite being unable to play one.

2.13pm

Bolton Young Persons’ Housing Scheme. They have supplied pies. Smug eats one while doing his Robert De Niro impression.

Josh good-naturedly berates his dad for doing a story about a homeless person in a charity where people are struggling to find a home.

2.59pm

Walk to Odessa café. Lovely reception from staff and customers and they give us food. I finally get a cup of tea.

The van. The Odessa butties are consumed and crisps munched. We're almost out of Vimto. There's a crash on the A666 out of Bolton. We're in a traffic jam for 25 minutes. We were already running late. Now we're starting to wonder if we'll manage the twenty gigs.

4.13pm

Finally we arrive at the small but gorgeous Blue Daisy Café in Manchester's Northern quarter. Smug reads Where's Spot? again as there is a small girl, Martha, in the crowd. All join in with the animal noises.

5.03pm

Manchester Children's Hospital. Unfortunately we're so late that the meal trolley is already on its way round so only a few children are able to join us and one needs to be taken off his IV. A storytelling set from Smug, it's moving and humbling. We leave with Smug promising to return.

5.57pm

Up to Failsworth, on the doorstep of Moston the area of Manchester that Smug is from, to The Beauty Lounge where Smug's daughter Nicole works. They're having a Comic Relief party so Smug tells a few stories about growing up in the area.

6.29pm

Round the corner to the Each Step centre for dementia where Smug's mum was a resident until recently. Iris on the front row is keen to join in and does a mean rendition of Bassey's Big Spender from her seat. Smug reads his version of Where's Spot? The residents and carers join in with the animal noises.

6.54pm

Still in Moston, to the fantastic Miner's Arts Centre where a couple enjoying a meal await a personal show from Smug.

7.43pm

Up to The Swan Inn in Dobcross. A fine ale house that puts on comedy from time to time. Feels like we're back in traditional surroundings for a gig in an upstairs room. Smug regales with his tale of Weight Watchers and his trip to the doctor's.

8.22pm

We're on the home straight – returning to The Frog, we're just about on time but there's only one problem – we're a gig short. Though one awaits us at the Frog Smug's only done 18. There's only one thing for it. Smug performs to the doormen at the entrance and they put money in the bucket. It's a gig! And as, at 8.35pm, he gets up onto the stage for his last show in 24 hours he's done it. Just...

Published: 1 Mar 2015