Correspondents

14/10/2009 … I interviewed professional and amateur fighters for a few years, boxed as an amateur superheavyweight and learned the hard way that I wasn't suited to being repeatedly punched in the head.

01/10/2009 … The comedian’s onstageAnd he’s pissed at the poncey liberal middle classesSo far up their own arsesHe wants to explode their politenessTest their preconceptionsWhich he can seize, rebuild and freezeAnd then hold up them highAs an example of comedy’s progressionHe’s had several Bill Hicks sessionsHe knows the scoreThinks comics who talk about nothing are a boreSo he decides to be “dark”He decides to be “edgy”And anyone who doesn’t laughThey’re just too cageySo rape joke after rape jokeShoots out of his mouthAnd it’s all coolHe can handle the audience’s “ooohhh”sBecause if you’re offendedHe’ll refuse to mend itHe’s being ironic, y’seeAnd doesn’t really mean itSo for a few minutes that room becomes Joke Rape WorldWhile downstairs in the pub a girlGoes to the toilet, her staggering ever so slightShe’s had one too many, but that’s alrightIt’s Saturday nightAnd after a hard week’s workShe deserves to relaxBut as she turns her backHer date gets out his wrapAnd pours the powdered white fellasInto her StellaAnd the following morning, naked, she wakes aloneAlthough she swears somebody walked her homeHer heads thumpingStomach’s churningUsual Sunday hangover burningBut thenShe feels a sting in between her thighsReaches down, lightly touching the painExamines her fingertips, and her eyes strainAt the dark, drying bloodAnd she feels the red rising of silent shameAnd because she can’t rememberShe thinks she’s to blameThe comedian continuesLeading the audience through the world of sarcasm he’s builtAnd after every laughThey have a tiny collective spasm of guiltBut there’s no looking inward as to whyWaving that social conscience goodbyeBecause the chances are good the comedian doesn’t hate womenJust loves the superiority of the stageAnd the glow of winningThe rape jokes are just short cutsTo an easy reactionAnd there’s no harmAs long as he’s funnyAnd his timing’s tight…… Right?But just because he’s not a misogynistDoesn’t mean he can’t preach itAnd just because he’s attempting rebellionDoesn’t mean he can’t teach the shitWe’ve been fed all our livesIrony without a reasonIs just an empty excuse for teasingAnd it takes the pissBecause when that comedian leaves the micJoke Rape World still existsIt insists on slicing our earsTo the sound of billions of womenHammering at every wall of all the yearsAnd rape just becomes somethingThat happens on our TVsAnd as the audience leavesNo one seesThe guy leading the paralytic girlTowards the humming taxiRape jokes just keep rape in its silent cageAnd irony puts a stitched smile on the victim’s faceIt’s all about emphasis and perspectiveAbout where all your comedic rage is directedAnd this is where the problem gets dissectedBecause there are some funny aspects of this harsh subjectTearing into a system that gives harsher sentences to weed dealersTelling us a girls deserve it just because they’re too easyBeing drunk, wearing short skirtsThey’re asking to be hurtAll these things can be the aim of satireA torch to set fire to unthinking viewsAnd this our cue to put a stop to itBecause if irony’s a comedian’s only excuseIt just doesn’t fucking cut itPaul Case performs poetry as Captain Of The Rant.

30/09/2009 … As I read Chortle’s edited highlights from the Broadcast TV Comedy Forum last week, it became very clear that the TV times they are a changin’.

23/09/2009 … Ten years ago, the British comedy scene was very different from the one we know today.

21/09/2009 … Does the comedy scene belong to the younger model? In the showroom are the flashy Porsches named Whitehall, Kane and Donnelly, revving up technology-based gags, fueling themselves with controversial topics, while the 40-year old written off bangers languish at the back, cast away for rasping out tired one-liners and spluttering about their mother-in-laws?.

15/09/2009 … Critics are often thought of as being to comedy what a vendor hawking pork pies is to an orthodox Jewish wedding – unwelcome intruders offering unpalatable goods.

14/09/2009 … It's the immediacy of live comedy that appeals to me.

14/09/2009 … Like Carl Donnelly, I’ve never done an advert, but I’m sure if I needed the money I would do.