15 reasons not to date a comedian | By Brydie Lee-Kennedy

15 reasons not to date a comedian

By Brydie Lee-Kennedy

Dating website eHarmony, world leaders in the field of preying on the Lonely, has published this list of 15 Reasons To Date A Comedian. Which, it should be noted that it's filed under Dating Advice For Women because straight female/gay male comics don't exist and if they did, they wouldn’t deserve sex.

As a comedian who regularly dates other comedians, I have a considerable amount of experience in this area, which I’d wager the author of the list does not. So I thought I’d help them out by making a few tiny alterations.

I hereby present my 15 Reasons (Not) To Date A Comedian.

1. Comedians want to make people laugh. Get ready to fake laugh, a lot, to avoid damaging their fragile sense of self.

2. Comedians see the humour in the otherwise unfunny stuff of life so don't confide in them about anything too 'real'. Relatedly, don't invite them to funerals.

3. Your date will be the life of the party so your friends won't believe that they're a nightmare at home.

4. At home, however... see previous point.

5. Comedians are usually following their dreams. This will give them a sense of superiority over everyone else. Including you. ESPECIALLY you.

6. Is "stand-up comedian" a lucrative job? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

7. Related: no one will accuse you of being a gold-digger which is a shame because you're not as into Kanye's new stuff.

8. Because of the unstable nature of their careers, comedians appreciate healthy, stable financial patrons... uh, romantic partners. Get a job. Make it a good one.

9. Introverts, rejoice! Now every weekend can be an eating/sleeping/crying alone weekend!

10. Comedians share their life stories with strangers every night. They'll save the really banal ones just for you. Conversation is nothing but a dumping ground for failed material.

11. You can visit your date at work. They might be drunk. You should be.

12. Your date will introduce you to plenty of interesting characters. Your date will also probably have sex with them.

13. Friends will think your significant other is hilarious. Your significant other will also probably have sex with them.

14. Not every comedian exploits his personal life in his act. But most do. When they stop making references to you on stage, you will wonder why.

15. A common love language for comedians? Constant affirmation to protect their large ego and shaky self-esteem.

So, from one emotional masochist to another I say- good luck! Happy dating! And remember: your partner has a god complex! You will never be enough!

&bull: Brydie Lee-Kennedy tweets at @BrydieLK.

Published: 5 Dec 2013

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