Celia Pacquola analyses comedy one letter at a time...

REACTIONS:

I remember when I told my mum for the first time, I sat her down and said, ‘Mum, I’m going to try and be a comedian.’ She exclaimed, ‘You stupid girl! You can’t change colours!’ I said, ‘You’re thinking of chameleon mum’. Similar, but different.

REASONS:

A guy at a bar once told me he would be the best thing that ever happened to me and I thought, ‘Stuff it, why don’t I tell the jokes for once?’

REALISTIC:

At a pub once I told a stranger I was a comedian. He responded with ‘yeah right, and I’m a pole dancer’. I thought that was interesting as he clearly didn’t have the body for it, before realising that I was being mocked.

I didn’t think what I‘d said was so ridiculous, it’s not like I’d taken a deep breath and replied, ‘Well sir, during the day I am constructing a robot elephant army that I am fashioning from paperclips and bottle tops and during the evening I use said robot elephant paperclip bottle top army to FIGHT CRIME!.. And you?.. Pole dancer?.. Yeah right.. and I’m a comedian.’

RISK:

Comedy can get out of hand. I realised this years ago whilst watching an episode of Jerry Springer called I’m Pimping My Mom.So, a relatively boring episode.

There was a 19-year-old boy on stage and Jerry asked him how this could have happened, the boy replied. ‘Well Jerry, you know. It started out as a joke…” What! It started as a what?! Call me crazy, but I would have suggested the step from humour, to whoring, (mental note, I really hope that doesn’t end up being the title of my autobiography) would be on the large side. But no, apparently it’s as easy as, “Hey mom, what do you get if you cross a hooker and the woman who gave birth to me? You! Ha ha ha, seriously though, get on the corner.:

Is that how it happens?! If my jokes became the starting point for real life ituations, everyone should put a helmet on now.

RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS: (Comics do a lot of questionnaires)

If comedy was a punching bag, what would the stuffing be made from and what would your gloves be called? …um…

REALISATIONS:

No matter how long or hard I work, I will never say anything as funny as seeing a friend who’d just gotten out of bed fall down the stairs on her arse.

RACK:

Despite comedy stereotypes, I have never seen nor have I personally been asked to show my boobs to an audience. I am happy for this trend to continue.

RUBBISH:

No matter how much you love them. Some jokes are rubbish.

RELOCATION:

Sometimes you take your jokes to different places. This can be a good thing. I am leaving my home in Melbourne and coming to Edinburgh. This could be a disaster.

Here ends what I have learned about comedy in Rs.

Celia Pacquola: Am I Strange is on at the Gilded Balloon at 19:45

Published: 14 Aug 2009