Spoof review sheet being circulated among performers

ISSUE 13: Three weeks is glowing with Edinburgh joy after seeing some shows at the festival and then going out for a drink. The Edinburgh Festival is in Scotland, England. We walked past BILL BAILEY in the street and nearly spoke to him. It was great. One of the C Venues exploded at 8pm last night and no one noticed. No one was hurt as no one was there. The lights went out, it was dark. Then bang! Or so we imagined. Three Weeks crossed the road and saw someone who looks a lot like NICK CAVE but it wasn’t NICK CAVE. He looked like NICK CAVE before the moustache was grown. ThreeWeeks is being bullied in the reviewers’ playground by KATE KOPSTIK and the MAN FROM CHORTLE. They called us names and sang songs. Like “you don’t know what you’re doing!”
ThreeWeeks Ratings Explained:
1/5: Bad
2/5: Quite Bad
3/5: Not That Bad
4/5: OK
5/5: Good
COMEDY
Bill Hack – Talking Things
In Debt for Two Years Comedy.
Bill Hack sticks to the premise of the show by talking things and this he does really well by saying things some of which are funny but not all the time I laughed about looking at porn on a laptop and he turns out to be in PC World my friend who also got in for free liked it more than me but what does he know as he thinks he is a vegetarian but eats fish so what’s that all about I think he could do a skit on that.
Pleasance Dome, 2 – 25 Aug (not 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 13, 16, 20, 22, 24), prices vary between extortionate and you must be kidding, fpp 1192
t/w rating 3/5
(zb)
Meat and Two Veg
Hopeful Productions / Thanks Mum
The three guys in this lively and energetic sketch group zip around the stage full of youthful energy covered in meat. The girls are covered in broccoli and lettuce and the thing is I don’t know what to do as this was not covered in the two hour course in reviewing I did before being sent to review this. So who knows?
C kiosk 1.23pm (2.47) 2 – 24 Aug £300. ffp 2
t/w rating 3/5
(qz)
Le Bernard Du Manning
FU Comedy / Avon
Du Manning’s reputation from the working men’s clubs of northern France precedes him but nothing can prepare you for his deliberately shocking comedy. Nothing is sacred as he describes Madeline McCann being raped by Gary Glitter in Afghanistan surrounded by the severed limbs of black British soldiers being eaten by dogs while kittens are burnt by Chinese illegal immigrants eating the corpse of Princess Dianna while listening to Babyshambles. All good stuff. If I had to pay for this show it would have cost me money.
Underbelly Mousehole 2 – 25 Aug 9.50pm (10.05pm) £ your own blood ffp 99987
t/w rating 3/5
(mm)
3 Comedians Giving It A Go
Laughing Horse Free Festival
There are three comedians in this show and it is free. FREE? What’s the point of that? The only reason I do this reviewing malarkey is to get in to shows for free. OK, and to feel self important, but mostly to get in for free. So why am I reviewing a show that I could have got in for FREE anyway? Honestly, what’s the point?
Laughing Horse @ The Bowl & Scrapie, 2 - 16 Aug, 11.00am (11.50am), free non-ticketed, fpp 103.
t/w rating 3/5
(bxb)
Nik Willis – Belgrave
A Mic and A Good Time
This is an hour in the company of a confident, charming and very funny comedian. He really has the packed room laughing at his relaxed banter and sharp jokes. And I mean really, really laughing. I laughed so much a little bit of pee came out. But this free show is one to avoid. All this good-natured hilarity is well and good, but where is the pain and pathos? There is nothing in this show about angst, rejection or societies evils. So stay away from this show, unless you want to laugh your socks off.
Laughing Horse @ Students Bedroom, 2 - 25 Aug, 9.00pm (10.00pm), free non-ticketed, fpp 103.
t/w rating 1/5
(pu)
THEATRE
Open or Closed?
High Street Productions
This brilliant play is set in an Edinburgh chip shop during the festival. The main cast of three (two girls and a handsome boy) serve a large cast of extras coming into the shop to by chips, fish and savoury snacks. The grimy reality of every day life is explored through a succession of pithy catchphrases; “large cod” or “do you want them open or closed?”
Jock’s Fish and Chip Shop, 2 – 24 Aug 11am (11.30pm) £ free (but best enjoyed if you buy some chips) ffp 0
t/w rating: 3/5
(jc)

Published: 11 Aug 2008